What is Kinesiology - Part 1 - Introduction

The question I get asked every time  I say what I do for a living, is "What is kinesiology?".  So I thought I'd do a series of blog posts to try and address this question.

I say "try" because kinesiology isn't like any other therapy. I can't say "it's like massage" or "it's like reiki" because it isn't.  It's totally unique.  It works on the principle of muscle testing (more on that later) to guide the treatment session.  It then uses a series of corrections (read: mini treatments) to rebalance the energy of the client, which removes the initial stress.

The whole session is done with the client seated across from the therapist or on a massage couch (fully clothed).  I tend to work seated, although some corrections require the client to stand.

The first session includes the initial consultation, where I question the client about their current and previous health and their lifestyle choices.  This gives me an overall picture of the person I'm working with and helps me to understand them and see how things improve as the treatment progresses.  For this reason, we do less kinesiology on the first session.

All sessions include some talking and some kinesiology. The amounts vary according to the client's needs and  also vary between sessions.  

It's usual for clients to come for 3 sessions initially. Unless you are very used to holistic treatments or healings, it can take a while for the body to understand and respond deeply to a new therapy.  However clients usually notice a difference after the first session.

Sessions last one hour.

Hidden Resistance

I'm referring to the hidden type. The times when we set ourselves a goal and then struggle to implement it. All the good intentions that we never carry out.  The new year resolutions we break in week 1.  It all seems so simple when we're in the planning stage but somehow the plans don't translate into action.

The reason is often resistance. But obviously it would be too easy if we just sat there and had an argument with ourselves, so instead our subconscious comes up with very plausible reasons why we can't take action.

What is underneath this is often a fear - of failure, of success, or something else - but it's often not obvious.  And the reason often wants to be kept hidden.  Unless we're being very honest with ourselves, we often don't admit to being frightened of success, for example, but anything that provokes a change can scare us.

My personal favourite is tiredness (but you could also have busyness, mental confusion, mild headaches, nausea or many others). As soon as I come up against something that challenges me in some way and tries to take me out of my comfort zone, I suddenly feel the need to sleep for a week.  I've often wondered whether there is something wrong with me, but having sorted out my diet and my sleeping patterns, I know it's just plain resistance.  If I'm "tired" then I can't possibly even attempt the task.

But the downside of this is that things just seem to go round and round in circles and I feel like I'm up against a brick wall.  It can get very frustrating at times.

Recently I was fortunate enough to have some life coaching sessions with Angie Taher of AT Coaching.  She describes these resistance patterns as "gremlins" and suggests we directly take back control by distracting ourselves.  Clicking our fingers, making a noise, or some kind of movement when the gremlin rears its head  reminds us that we're in charge, rather than the gremlin.

It might take some time, but by doing this, you're retraining yourself and letting the gremlin know it no longer has any power over you.  It might be hard work initially, but you'll come through it stronger and more empowered.

The Storm Before the Lull

What I'm referring to is the way that things are often at their worst just before the pressure lifts and we find calm again.

I'm sure many of you can relate to a deadline, loitering in the distance, gradually approaching and finally looming up right in front of us.  And if we've left the task to the last moment, we'll probably experience a large amount of stress. So we rush around, plough through the stress, and finally reach the deadline. Hopefully the task will be finished and done well, but either way, the pressure will now be off, there will be a lull after the storm of stress we've just been through.  We may have lessons to learn from the experience - to be more organised in the future, that we are capable of things we didn't know we were before.  But we also get to have a rest before the next "storm" brews.

As with deadlines, so a similar thing happens with emotional challenges.  But often with them, we don't understand  it in the same way.  And also as with deadlines, we tend to have a series of emotional challenges or lessons throughout our lives, as this is the way we learn and grow.  So, as this is set to continue, it might be useful if we understood the process a bit better.

I started noticing this when I'd have huge periods of stress or feeling very low.  Sometimes things would feel at rock bottom. I'd feel down but not know why.  And I'd think "here we go again".  Then after it had got about as bad as it could get and I'd spent a day in tears, suddenly I'd wake up and feel normal again.  And although I was hugely relieved, I'd feel rather confused.

I've often thought that it would be far easier if I could just deal with my emotional challenges before they become that stressful, but somehow it doesn't seem to work like that.  And I believe this is because we tend to protect our past pain - rather too well.  This is quite understandable: if we were hurt badly in our past (and this could have been when we were a very small, vulnerable child) and we've hidden that pain away because it was too difficult to deal with at the time, then it's reasonable that we don't want to revisit it now.  Our memories of the pain are always stronger than our memories of the event.  That's our protection mechanism. So it can take a lot of discomfort before we access it and release it, which we finally do at the end of the storm.

So next time you feel a storm, take consolation from the likelihood that once you've resolved the current emotional challenge, you will find calm again.

Is Perfectionism a Good Thing?

I don't think there's a definitive answer to this. Which obviously offends my perfectionist streak?  Ever since I was a child I liked the questions that had a right/wrong answer.  I excelled at maths and science and failed miserably at English. The thing about maths is that you can get the answer perfectly correct.

As I've got older, I've translated that desire for perfection onto other areas of my life; craft projects, employment tasks and more recently my own business. I want it to be perfect or else I don't want to play.

I've done a lot of soul searching on this - it all comes from my parents, of course.  My father is a complete perfectionist - the type that offers unsolicited advice whenever he sees an area of potential improvement.  My mother is an amazing seamstress and her work is actually technically perfect - a hard act to follow.

It takes a long while to get things perfect, which is fine if it's a hobby, but I forget how many hours I've wasted wondering to myself if an advert is perfect enough to bring me in clients rather than just sending it off.

Now, please believe me when I say, I don't always believe perfectionism is bad.  If I was unfortunate to need some kind of surgery, I'd hope that the surgeon was a perfectionist of the highest order, but so often we  carry this over to the rest of our lives and put unnecessary pressure on ourselves.  I guess the key is to know when it's important and when it's not.

It's also important to work with our own nature.  It's in my mum's nature to spend a lot of time working on her latest quilt. She loves the process and it pays off with the results she gets.  I like producing a finished product, but I get bored if it takes too long, so I'm better sacrificing a bit of quality for the overall enjoyment and the likelihood of finishing it.  I am like my father in that I see errors and imperfections in other's work. Having grown up with his negative criticism, I'm now aware of how this feels.  So I can either balance it out with positive feedback, or I can just decide that it's not that important and let it go.

And it's amazingly liberating to finally realise that in everyday life, "good enough" is often good enough.

So having dithered for the last few days as to whether this was a good subject for a blog post, I've gone ahead and written it anyway.  You can decide.

Who's Problem - Part 2

Why do we have a problem with certain people?

Now we've established it's our problem (see the last post), we often still don't understand why. And this can make it harder to focus on resolving it - the focus keeps shifting back to the other person, with feelings of being hard done by, or being a victim.

I believe in Law of Attraction: we attract what we put out. Therefore I believe that by changing something in ourselves, we can change our experiences.  And I find this very empowering.

Firstly, it's very important to remind ourselves, constantly, that we must focus on ourselves in order to change. We cannot change another person, and indeed, most people are somewhat resistant to being changed. We like to be accepted for who we are rather than being criticized for what we are not.  However, we do change from our own choice when presented with different external circumstances.

Think about how you respond to different people depending on the dynamics of the individual relationships.  Some people will snap at you, some may sulk, some may be totally accepting of you, whatever you seem to do.  Each one will bring out a different aspect of your personality.  In exactly the same way, you bring out a different aspect of other people's personality by the way you are around them.

So if you are having a problem with someone, have a look at the way you are being around them. If someone was being that way around you, how would it make you feel?  They won't necessarily respond in the same way as you would, but it's a start.  In this way, we become more empathic and compassionate around others.

As a healer, I often feel the need to impart knowledge or advice to others who are suffering in some way.  And it can be frustrating to me when they don't immediately take action.  However, I know from my own experiences of being ill, that sometimes I just feel the need to hide away for a while and rest, without doing anything else. Then I'm ready to tackle my healing on a more conscious level.  It's sometimes hard for me to remember that others might have this need too.

Whereas it's important to recognise and stand up for our own needs, it's also useful in any communication to see the other person's point of view.  Understanding our effect on another person can be all we need to bring a different perspective to the situation and resolve our "problem".

Who's Problem?

How often do we find ourselves moaning about someone we love or have to work closely with and saying "they have such a problem" / "why can't they see they have a problem"?  And sometimes we even try to point out their problem, thinking that we're being helpful.

But who's problem is it really?

Well, let us look at the word "problem". The definition is any question or incident involving doubt, uncertainty or difficulty. So who has the doubt, uncertainty or difficulty? Answer: the person complaining.

So, if  my friend, partner or boss is annoying me with their behaviour, then however unreasonable we can persuade ourselves that they are being, we are actually the ones having the problem with them.  They might be totally unaware of any of this and, in fact, may be quite happily going through their lives without any problem at all.

So the next question to ask is: why we have a problem with their behaviour?

Have they gone back on an agreed set of behaviours? In which case, we would probably be advised to have a chat and remind them of the previous agreement.

Have we expected them to act in a certain way without any discussion or agreement?  This is often the case. We assume other people will behave in the way we would want them to, but they rarely do so 100% of the time. Recognising that you've made an assumption is the first step.  Then honest communication in a non-confrontational way. Instead of saying "you're annoying when you do this", try "I feel annoyed when you do that". By owning your feelings, you make it easier for the other person to hear without becoming defensive.  It's also important to acknowledge that your own feelings are valid.

It may be that you have differing values and you don't understand each other's problems. This can be challenging, but not insurmountable, as long as you go into a discussion with a willingness to understand and an open heart.

This can go a long way to helping us resolve our problems. There'll be more in my next post.

Transit of Venus

Last week there was a historical Transit of Venus across the face of the sun. These happen in pairs, the last one was in 2004. But now there won't be another one until 2117.  We've also recently had 2 eclipses (they come in 2s too), the second of which was also last week.  It's a huge time for change and new opportunities.

Venus in astrology represents love, relationships, the feminine and finance/business, so changes on a personal level and a societal level will reflect these themes.

I'm not an expert so I've included a few links for those who want to read more:

This one explains the different planetary alignments going on at the moment.

This one looks at what has been going on during the previous Transits of Venus and is more focussed on how society as a whole will be affected.

On a personal level, I had a strange week.  Events occurred which caused me a lot of stress, probably more then was logical for what happened. But some even better things came out of them.  However I didn't feel great and I'm only just back to feeling normal.  I've been very tired and rather emotional about things.  And I noticed from my friends' statuses on Facebook that I wasn't alone in this.

Sometimes, however willing we are to embrace change, it can be difficult to actually take on board. We  have to let the past go, sometimes this can be a challenge in itself.  We can invest a lot of ourselves in our habits and our beliefs. Sometimes, when we say goodbye to our past, there is a grieving process too.

Sometimes we struggle to assimilate the new patterns coming into our lives. There can be a period where we feel uncomfortable while we gradually become more familiar with it.  This can make us feel more emotional than normal, or just very tired.  It can make us feel spacey or even nauseous. At the worst, it can make us feel depressed.

So be gentle with yourself if you've had any of these symptoms and trust that this is the start of a new more exciting phase in your life.

The way I understand this Transit of Venus is that it's about getting rid of the old ways and embracing the new. However the changes won't necessarily be apparent at the moment, but when we look back, that's when we'll realise that it all started here.