On Sunday, I had a duvet day. I'd been in a show last week, so after a busy day on the Saturday and a very late night due to the after show party, I needed a rest.
Now, normally, I'd probably have pushed through and tried to get on with the things piling up on my to-do list. But I thought I'd try a different tactic this time. This time, I embraced doing nothing. And it was wonderfully liberating.
Now, I can hear you saying, "it's alright for you, I don't have the time to do nothing". And I realise I am in a fortunate state, that I can do this. But it does raise the issue of how important rest is.
Firstly, we don't function at full par when we're over tired. Extreme tiredness is a form of stress for our bodies and stress has a negative effect on brain function. We make mistakes and things can either take longer, or be of a lower standard.
Secondly, it's hard work being tired. Life is less pleasant and things we'd normally take in our stride, become difficult to cope with. We become over sensitive to things and can become emotional or irritable around others. And obviously, we need to mention that overriding desire to go back to bed.
Thirdly, and less obviously, we can become hyper. Sometimes it's just adrenaline which is keeping us awake, or we can turn to caffeine and sugar. This will take its toll on our body, and if we keep this up too long it can lead to burnout.
So, on Sunday, I snuggled down under the duvet, read copious amounts of Facebook and ended the day with a dose of Downton Abbey.
And by Monday I was back to normal energy levels. So it paid off.
Why not try it sometime?
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Monday, September 17, 2012
What is Kinesiology - Part 5 - History
People often ask me where kinesiology came from, so I thought I'd address this in the next part of the series.
Although, it draws on some very ancient healing knowledge, it wasn't discovered until the 1960s. A chiropractor, called Dr George Goodheart, found that when testing the integrity of muscles, the outcome was dependent on the state of the body at that time. In this way, he realised that this "muscle test" could be used to find out information which could then be used in the treatment.
Before that, the word kinesiology was just used to mean it's literal translation "the study of movement" (from the Greek). It was a science rather than a therapy; you could become qualified in it, but not licensed. However after Dr Goodheart's discovery, he went on to devise a therapy which he called Applied Kinesiology. He taught this to medical doctors and chiropractors. Owing to the vast amount of anatomical knowledge required, he didn't feel it was appropriate to teach it to non-medically trained people.
Fast forward several years, and another chap called John Thie realised that this knowledge could be simplified and still be extremely powerful as a therapeutic tool. He devised a simpler system called Touch For Health, which links 42 muscles to the Chinese meridian system and uses this to rebalance the body. It is a very effective therapy and forms the foundation level training for kinesiologists.
Since then, various people have taken the therapy further and many branches of kinesiology have been set up, and submitted to professional bodies for accreditation. These form the advanced part of the practitioner training and continual professional development. They are all slightly different, with regard to what they focus on. 3-in-1 Concepts, which I practise defuses emotional stress around an issue (see part 3). Information about some of the other branches can be found here. Some are more weighted towards the emotional, some more structural and others more nutritional/biochemical. Each is very powerful, but people will often find some suit them more than others according to the way they like to work.
I will be giving a talk at the Wellbeing Centre this Saturday (22nd September) if you'd like to find out more about kinesiology and how it can help stress.
Although, it draws on some very ancient healing knowledge, it wasn't discovered until the 1960s. A chiropractor, called Dr George Goodheart, found that when testing the integrity of muscles, the outcome was dependent on the state of the body at that time. In this way, he realised that this "muscle test" could be used to find out information which could then be used in the treatment.
Before that, the word kinesiology was just used to mean it's literal translation "the study of movement" (from the Greek). It was a science rather than a therapy; you could become qualified in it, but not licensed. However after Dr Goodheart's discovery, he went on to devise a therapy which he called Applied Kinesiology. He taught this to medical doctors and chiropractors. Owing to the vast amount of anatomical knowledge required, he didn't feel it was appropriate to teach it to non-medically trained people.
Fast forward several years, and another chap called John Thie realised that this knowledge could be simplified and still be extremely powerful as a therapeutic tool. He devised a simpler system called Touch For Health, which links 42 muscles to the Chinese meridian system and uses this to rebalance the body. It is a very effective therapy and forms the foundation level training for kinesiologists.
Since then, various people have taken the therapy further and many branches of kinesiology have been set up, and submitted to professional bodies for accreditation. These form the advanced part of the practitioner training and continual professional development. They are all slightly different, with regard to what they focus on. 3-in-1 Concepts, which I practise defuses emotional stress around an issue (see part 3). Information about some of the other branches can be found here. Some are more weighted towards the emotional, some more structural and others more nutritional/biochemical. Each is very powerful, but people will often find some suit them more than others according to the way they like to work.
I will be giving a talk at the Wellbeing Centre this Saturday (22nd September) if you'd like to find out more about kinesiology and how it can help stress.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
What is Kineisology - Part 4 - Corrections
"Corrections" are the name given to the parts of the treatment which actually rebalance the person's energy and defuse the stress. Kinesiologists often don't go into great detail about these because there are a lot of different types and different ones will be used at different sessions.
Basically, they are mini treatments. I'd say, generally, they last from anywhere between a couple of minutes to maybe 10-15 minutes. The set of corrections each kinesiologist uses will depend on the courses they've done and so will vary between practitioners.
Broadly speaking, they fall into 4 categories:
Electrical corrections - these work on restoring left/right brain connections and correct the stresses that have "blown our circuits". Some of these have been taken on by teachers in schools via the "BrainGym" exercises. Also, in this section are the acupressure corrections which work on rebalancing the meridians.
Emotional corrections - these work directly on the emotions. Some of these will involve gaining awareness through information which comes up. Many kinesiologists use flower remedies - the most well known being the Bach Flower Remedies. These work very gently on resolving unwanted emotional states.
Nutritional corrections - these correct imbalances by working on the nutritional system. Many kinesiologists do allergy and intolerance testing (although this isn't something I do) and sometimes this is the first thing people think about when hearing the work kinesiology. It might be appropriate for the client to add or remove certain foods from their diet for a while, or it might be appropriate to work directly on the effect nutrition is having on the body.
Structural corrections - these are the ones that work directly on the muscles of the body. The kinesiology systems have aligned many of our muscles with the Chinese 5 element and meridian systems. By muscle testing the different muscles, we can correct the energy imbalances. This can make kinesiology very good for treating muscular problems and even postural problems.
Then there could well be other corrections. 3-in-1 Concepts Kinesiology covered a module on Face Reading (how our facial structure relates to our characteristics we inherited genetically). This can provide a huge insight for people into why they tend to behave and be drawn to certain experiences. Practitioners may be qualified in other therapies and choose to bring them into their work.
As you might expect if you've been reading the whole of this series of blog entries, the corrections are chosen according to the muscle testing. Often different ones will come up over several sessions with the same client, although they can seem to "favour" certain ones. For that reason, every session is unique.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
What is Kinesiology - Part 3 - Defusing Stress
3-in-1 Concepts is the branch of kinesiology that I practise. It's works by diffusing the emotional stress around an issue. Any issue.
Stress often comes from situations where we feel our ability to make a choice has been removed or restricted in some way. Maybe someone else's behaviour is affecting us negatively. Maybe we're in a situation that we don't like but feel we have to stay in. Whatever the situation, if the stress is ongoing, look for the feeling of lack of choice involved.
So, by helping the client back to a feeling of choice, resolves the stress. Sounds easy doesn't it. Well, with kinesiology, it is surprisingly easy because the muscle testing guides the session. Stress which seems in surmountable can suddenly disappear. There's obviously a bit more too it than waving a magic wand, but actually not a lot.
One of the things we work with is our belief systems. Things we've put down in our memory banks as facts, when in fact they are just one particular way of looking at a situation. Often these come from family or friends and we've taken them on subconsciously when they actually don't serve us. Things like "I'm only a good person if I have a good job" or " I have to make sacrifices to be liked". We can change these to more empowering ones, thus helping us to make the choices we really want. So now the above belief systems may become "It's OK to follow my dreams" and "It's OK to put myself first".
The second thing is resolving the past. Our stress often comes from triggering the emotional memory of past events. We obviously can't change events which have already happened, but we can change our perception of these events. What impacts on our present lives is how we feel about our past. So by using muscle testing, we can identify the age at which the trigger for our present stress happened and defuse it. In that way, that particular trigger can't press our buttons any more. The amazing thing is that we don't have to have any idea of the cause before we defuse it as the session will bring up that information.
The actual defusing is done using "corrections". More on that next time.
Stress often comes from situations where we feel our ability to make a choice has been removed or restricted in some way. Maybe someone else's behaviour is affecting us negatively. Maybe we're in a situation that we don't like but feel we have to stay in. Whatever the situation, if the stress is ongoing, look for the feeling of lack of choice involved.
So, by helping the client back to a feeling of choice, resolves the stress. Sounds easy doesn't it. Well, with kinesiology, it is surprisingly easy because the muscle testing guides the session. Stress which seems in surmountable can suddenly disappear. There's obviously a bit more too it than waving a magic wand, but actually not a lot.
One of the things we work with is our belief systems. Things we've put down in our memory banks as facts, when in fact they are just one particular way of looking at a situation. Often these come from family or friends and we've taken them on subconsciously when they actually don't serve us. Things like "I'm only a good person if I have a good job" or " I have to make sacrifices to be liked". We can change these to more empowering ones, thus helping us to make the choices we really want. So now the above belief systems may become "It's OK to follow my dreams" and "It's OK to put myself first".
The second thing is resolving the past. Our stress often comes from triggering the emotional memory of past events. We obviously can't change events which have already happened, but we can change our perception of these events. What impacts on our present lives is how we feel about our past. So by using muscle testing, we can identify the age at which the trigger for our present stress happened and defuse it. In that way, that particular trigger can't press our buttons any more. The amazing thing is that we don't have to have any idea of the cause before we defuse it as the session will bring up that information.
The actual defusing is done using "corrections". More on that next time.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
What is kinesiology - Part 2 - Muscle Testing
Muscle testing is the main thing which differentiates kinesiology from other therapies. It is a tool by which we get a biofeedback response from the body as to its current state.
Very simply, the client sticks out an arm or leg and the kinesiologist presses down on it. The client resists with a gentle pressure. According to what is being tested, the muscle may or may not hold the limb in place. This is not to do with strength, in fact the pressure used is very light. It is to do with the integrity of the muscle in relation to the question being asked.
Any stress will cause the muscle integrity to reduce. Stress is something that affects the whole body, and extreme stress can produce a noticeable muscle weakness. It's one of the reasons why we often ask people to sit down before imparting bad news. By asking various questions or getting the client to say statements, we can see which ones cause stress and which ones cause strength.
You may wonder why we don't just ask, and this is to get a truer response than either the client or therapist could get by just guessing. We often think we know everything about ourselves, but often we are only tapping into our conscious mind. Underneath that is the subconscious which can hold a whole different story, and holds our unresolved past. The muscle test taps into both and I always find it amazing what insights come up.
Muscle testing is a gentle and safe way to guide a kinesiology session. As it is tapping into the client's own knowledge, so they are in charge of the session. Therefore it will only go as deep as the client is prepared to go and so the treatment will progress at a pace which the client is comfortable with. It also means that the therapist can't project their own values and beliefs onto the client.
If you are interested in finding out more about this, I am doing a free talk at the Wellbeing Centre on Saturday 22nd September at 12pm, where there will be a demonstration of muscle testing. Please feel free to drop by, no need to book.
Very simply, the client sticks out an arm or leg and the kinesiologist presses down on it. The client resists with a gentle pressure. According to what is being tested, the muscle may or may not hold the limb in place. This is not to do with strength, in fact the pressure used is very light. It is to do with the integrity of the muscle in relation to the question being asked.
Any stress will cause the muscle integrity to reduce. Stress is something that affects the whole body, and extreme stress can produce a noticeable muscle weakness. It's one of the reasons why we often ask people to sit down before imparting bad news. By asking various questions or getting the client to say statements, we can see which ones cause stress and which ones cause strength.
You may wonder why we don't just ask, and this is to get a truer response than either the client or therapist could get by just guessing. We often think we know everything about ourselves, but often we are only tapping into our conscious mind. Underneath that is the subconscious which can hold a whole different story, and holds our unresolved past. The muscle test taps into both and I always find it amazing what insights come up.
Muscle testing is a gentle and safe way to guide a kinesiology session. As it is tapping into the client's own knowledge, so they are in charge of the session. Therefore it will only go as deep as the client is prepared to go and so the treatment will progress at a pace which the client is comfortable with. It also means that the therapist can't project their own values and beliefs onto the client.
If you are interested in finding out more about this, I am doing a free talk at the Wellbeing Centre on Saturday 22nd September at 12pm, where there will be a demonstration of muscle testing. Please feel free to drop by, no need to book.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
What is Kinesiology - Part 1 - Introduction
The question I get asked every time I say what I do for a living, is "What is kinesiology?". So I thought I'd do a series of blog posts to try and address this question.
I say "try" because kinesiology isn't like any other therapy. I can't say "it's like massage" or "it's like reiki" because it isn't. It's totally unique. It works on the principle of muscle testing (more on that later) to guide the treatment session. It then uses a series of corrections (read: mini treatments) to rebalance the energy of the client, which removes the initial stress.
The whole session is done with the client seated across from the therapist or on a massage couch (fully clothed). I tend to work seated, although some corrections require the client to stand.
The first session includes the initial consultation, where I question the client about their current and previous health and their lifestyle choices. This gives me an overall picture of the person I'm working with and helps me to understand them and see how things improve as the treatment progresses. For this reason, we do less kinesiology on the first session.
All sessions include some talking and some kinesiology. The amounts vary according to the client's needs and also vary between sessions.
It's usual for clients to come for 3 sessions initially. Unless you are very used to holistic treatments or healings, it can take a while for the body to understand and respond deeply to a new therapy. However clients usually notice a difference after the first session.
Sessions last one hour.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Hidden Resistance
I'm referring to the hidden type. The times when we set ourselves a goal and then struggle to implement it. All the good intentions that we never carry out. The new year resolutions we break in week 1. It all seems so simple when we're in the planning stage but somehow the plans don't translate into action.
The reason is often resistance. But obviously it would be too easy if we just sat there and had an argument with ourselves, so instead our subconscious comes up with very plausible reasons why we can't take action.
What is underneath this is often a fear - of failure, of success, or something else - but it's often not obvious. And the reason often wants to be kept hidden. Unless we're being very honest with ourselves, we often don't admit to being frightened of success, for example, but anything that provokes a change can scare us.
My personal favourite is tiredness (but you could also have busyness, mental confusion, mild headaches, nausea or many others). As soon as I come up against something that challenges me in some way and tries to take me out of my comfort zone, I suddenly feel the need to sleep for a week. I've often wondered whether there is something wrong with me, but having sorted out my diet and my sleeping patterns, I know it's just plain resistance. If I'm "tired" then I can't possibly even attempt the task.
But the downside of this is that things just seem to go round and round in circles and I feel like I'm up against a brick wall. It can get very frustrating at times.
Recently I was fortunate enough to have some life coaching sessions with Angie Taher of AT Coaching. She describes these resistance patterns as "gremlins" and suggests we directly take back control by distracting ourselves. Clicking our fingers, making a noise, or some kind of movement when the gremlin rears its head reminds us that we're in charge, rather than the gremlin.
It might take some time, but by doing this, you're retraining yourself and letting the gremlin know it no longer has any power over you. It might be hard work initially, but you'll come through it stronger and more empowered.
The reason is often resistance. But obviously it would be too easy if we just sat there and had an argument with ourselves, so instead our subconscious comes up with very plausible reasons why we can't take action.
What is underneath this is often a fear - of failure, of success, or something else - but it's often not obvious. And the reason often wants to be kept hidden. Unless we're being very honest with ourselves, we often don't admit to being frightened of success, for example, but anything that provokes a change can scare us.
My personal favourite is tiredness (but you could also have busyness, mental confusion, mild headaches, nausea or many others). As soon as I come up against something that challenges me in some way and tries to take me out of my comfort zone, I suddenly feel the need to sleep for a week. I've often wondered whether there is something wrong with me, but having sorted out my diet and my sleeping patterns, I know it's just plain resistance. If I'm "tired" then I can't possibly even attempt the task.
But the downside of this is that things just seem to go round and round in circles and I feel like I'm up against a brick wall. It can get very frustrating at times.
Recently I was fortunate enough to have some life coaching sessions with Angie Taher of AT Coaching. She describes these resistance patterns as "gremlins" and suggests we directly take back control by distracting ourselves. Clicking our fingers, making a noise, or some kind of movement when the gremlin rears its head reminds us that we're in charge, rather than the gremlin.
It might take some time, but by doing this, you're retraining yourself and letting the gremlin know it no longer has any power over you. It might be hard work initially, but you'll come through it stronger and more empowered.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
The Storm Before the Lull
What I'm referring to is the way that things are often at their worst just before the pressure lifts and we find calm again.
I'm sure many of you can relate to a deadline, loitering in the distance, gradually approaching and finally looming up right in front of us. And if we've left the task to the last moment, we'll probably experience a large amount of stress. So we rush around, plough through the stress, and finally reach the deadline. Hopefully the task will be finished and done well, but either way, the pressure will now be off, there will be a lull after the storm of stress we've just been through. We may have lessons to learn from the experience - to be more organised in the future, that we are capable of things we didn't know we were before. But we also get to have a rest before the next "storm" brews.
As with deadlines, so a similar thing happens with emotional challenges. But often with them, we don't understand it in the same way. And also as with deadlines, we tend to have a series of emotional challenges or lessons throughout our lives, as this is the way we learn and grow. So, as this is set to continue, it might be useful if we understood the process a bit better.
I started noticing this when I'd have huge periods of stress or feeling very low. Sometimes things would feel at rock bottom. I'd feel down but not know why. And I'd think "here we go again". Then after it had got about as bad as it could get and I'd spent a day in tears, suddenly I'd wake up and feel normal again. And although I was hugely relieved, I'd feel rather confused.
I've often thought that it would be far easier if I could just deal with my emotional challenges before they become that stressful, but somehow it doesn't seem to work like that. And I believe this is because we tend to protect our past pain - rather too well. This is quite understandable: if we were hurt badly in our past (and this could have been when we were a very small, vulnerable child) and we've hidden that pain away because it was too difficult to deal with at the time, then it's reasonable that we don't want to revisit it now. Our memories of the pain are always stronger than our memories of the event. That's our protection mechanism. So it can take a lot of discomfort before we access it and release it, which we finally do at the end of the storm.
So next time you feel a storm, take consolation from the likelihood that once you've resolved the current emotional challenge, you will find calm again.
I'm sure many of you can relate to a deadline, loitering in the distance, gradually approaching and finally looming up right in front of us. And if we've left the task to the last moment, we'll probably experience a large amount of stress. So we rush around, plough through the stress, and finally reach the deadline. Hopefully the task will be finished and done well, but either way, the pressure will now be off, there will be a lull after the storm of stress we've just been through. We may have lessons to learn from the experience - to be more organised in the future, that we are capable of things we didn't know we were before. But we also get to have a rest before the next "storm" brews.
As with deadlines, so a similar thing happens with emotional challenges. But often with them, we don't understand it in the same way. And also as with deadlines, we tend to have a series of emotional challenges or lessons throughout our lives, as this is the way we learn and grow. So, as this is set to continue, it might be useful if we understood the process a bit better.
I started noticing this when I'd have huge periods of stress or feeling very low. Sometimes things would feel at rock bottom. I'd feel down but not know why. And I'd think "here we go again". Then after it had got about as bad as it could get and I'd spent a day in tears, suddenly I'd wake up and feel normal again. And although I was hugely relieved, I'd feel rather confused.
I've often thought that it would be far easier if I could just deal with my emotional challenges before they become that stressful, but somehow it doesn't seem to work like that. And I believe this is because we tend to protect our past pain - rather too well. This is quite understandable: if we were hurt badly in our past (and this could have been when we were a very small, vulnerable child) and we've hidden that pain away because it was too difficult to deal with at the time, then it's reasonable that we don't want to revisit it now. Our memories of the pain are always stronger than our memories of the event. That's our protection mechanism. So it can take a lot of discomfort before we access it and release it, which we finally do at the end of the storm.
So next time you feel a storm, take consolation from the likelihood that once you've resolved the current emotional challenge, you will find calm again.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Is Perfectionism a Good Thing?
I don't think there's a definitive answer to this. Which obviously offends my perfectionist streak? Ever since I was a child I liked the questions that had a right/wrong answer. I excelled at maths and science and failed miserably at English. The thing about maths is that you can get the answer perfectly correct.
As I've got older, I've translated that desire for perfection onto other areas of my life; craft projects, employment tasks and more recently my own business. I want it to be perfect or else I don't want to play.
I've done a lot of soul searching on this - it all comes from my parents, of course. My father is a complete perfectionist - the type that offers unsolicited advice whenever he sees an area of potential improvement. My mother is an amazing seamstress and her work is actually technically perfect - a hard act to follow.
It takes a long while to get things perfect, which is fine if it's a hobby, but I forget how many hours I've wasted wondering to myself if an advert is perfect enough to bring me in clients rather than just sending it off.
Now, please believe me when I say, I don't always believe perfectionism is bad. If I was unfortunate to need some kind of surgery, I'd hope that the surgeon was a perfectionist of the highest order, but so often we carry this over to the rest of our lives and put unnecessary pressure on ourselves. I guess the key is to know when it's important and when it's not.
It's also important to work with our own nature. It's in my mum's nature to spend a lot of time working on her latest quilt. She loves the process and it pays off with the results she gets. I like producing a finished product, but I get bored if it takes too long, so I'm better sacrificing a bit of quality for the overall enjoyment and the likelihood of finishing it. I am like my father in that I see errors and imperfections in other's work. Having grown up with his negative criticism, I'm now aware of how this feels. So I can either balance it out with positive feedback, or I can just decide that it's not that important and let it go.
And it's amazingly liberating to finally realise that in everyday life, "good enough" is often good enough.
So having dithered for the last few days as to whether this was a good subject for a blog post, I've gone ahead and written it anyway. You can decide.
As I've got older, I've translated that desire for perfection onto other areas of my life; craft projects, employment tasks and more recently my own business. I want it to be perfect or else I don't want to play.
I've done a lot of soul searching on this - it all comes from my parents, of course. My father is a complete perfectionist - the type that offers unsolicited advice whenever he sees an area of potential improvement. My mother is an amazing seamstress and her work is actually technically perfect - a hard act to follow.
It takes a long while to get things perfect, which is fine if it's a hobby, but I forget how many hours I've wasted wondering to myself if an advert is perfect enough to bring me in clients rather than just sending it off.
Now, please believe me when I say, I don't always believe perfectionism is bad. If I was unfortunate to need some kind of surgery, I'd hope that the surgeon was a perfectionist of the highest order, but so often we carry this over to the rest of our lives and put unnecessary pressure on ourselves. I guess the key is to know when it's important and when it's not.
It's also important to work with our own nature. It's in my mum's nature to spend a lot of time working on her latest quilt. She loves the process and it pays off with the results she gets. I like producing a finished product, but I get bored if it takes too long, so I'm better sacrificing a bit of quality for the overall enjoyment and the likelihood of finishing it. I am like my father in that I see errors and imperfections in other's work. Having grown up with his negative criticism, I'm now aware of how this feels. So I can either balance it out with positive feedback, or I can just decide that it's not that important and let it go.
And it's amazingly liberating to finally realise that in everyday life, "good enough" is often good enough.
So having dithered for the last few days as to whether this was a good subject for a blog post, I've gone ahead and written it anyway. You can decide.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Who's Problem - Part 2
Why do we have a problem with certain people?
Now we've established it's our problem (see the last post), we often still don't understand why. And this can make it harder to focus on resolving it - the focus keeps shifting back to the other person, with feelings of being hard done by, or being a victim.
I believe in Law of Attraction: we attract what we put out. Therefore I believe that by changing something in ourselves, we can change our experiences. And I find this very empowering.
Firstly, it's very important to remind ourselves, constantly, that we must focus on ourselves in order to change. We cannot change another person, and indeed, most people are somewhat resistant to being changed. We like to be accepted for who we are rather than being criticized for what we are not. However, we do change from our own choice when presented with different external circumstances.
Think about how you respond to different people depending on the dynamics of the individual relationships. Some people will snap at you, some may sulk, some may be totally accepting of you, whatever you seem to do. Each one will bring out a different aspect of your personality. In exactly the same way, you bring out a different aspect of other people's personality by the way you are around them.
So if you are having a problem with someone, have a look at the way you are being around them. If someone was being that way around you, how would it make you feel? They won't necessarily respond in the same way as you would, but it's a start. In this way, we become more empathic and compassionate around others.
As a healer, I often feel the need to impart knowledge or advice to others who are suffering in some way. And it can be frustrating to me when they don't immediately take action. However, I know from my own experiences of being ill, that sometimes I just feel the need to hide away for a while and rest, without doing anything else. Then I'm ready to tackle my healing on a more conscious level. It's sometimes hard for me to remember that others might have this need too.
Whereas it's important to recognise and stand up for our own needs, it's also useful in any communication to see the other person's point of view. Understanding our effect on another person can be all we need to bring a different perspective to the situation and resolve our "problem".
Now we've established it's our problem (see the last post), we often still don't understand why. And this can make it harder to focus on resolving it - the focus keeps shifting back to the other person, with feelings of being hard done by, or being a victim.
I believe in Law of Attraction: we attract what we put out. Therefore I believe that by changing something in ourselves, we can change our experiences. And I find this very empowering.
Firstly, it's very important to remind ourselves, constantly, that we must focus on ourselves in order to change. We cannot change another person, and indeed, most people are somewhat resistant to being changed. We like to be accepted for who we are rather than being criticized for what we are not. However, we do change from our own choice when presented with different external circumstances.
Think about how you respond to different people depending on the dynamics of the individual relationships. Some people will snap at you, some may sulk, some may be totally accepting of you, whatever you seem to do. Each one will bring out a different aspect of your personality. In exactly the same way, you bring out a different aspect of other people's personality by the way you are around them.
So if you are having a problem with someone, have a look at the way you are being around them. If someone was being that way around you, how would it make you feel? They won't necessarily respond in the same way as you would, but it's a start. In this way, we become more empathic and compassionate around others.
As a healer, I often feel the need to impart knowledge or advice to others who are suffering in some way. And it can be frustrating to me when they don't immediately take action. However, I know from my own experiences of being ill, that sometimes I just feel the need to hide away for a while and rest, without doing anything else. Then I'm ready to tackle my healing on a more conscious level. It's sometimes hard for me to remember that others might have this need too.
Whereas it's important to recognise and stand up for our own needs, it's also useful in any communication to see the other person's point of view. Understanding our effect on another person can be all we need to bring a different perspective to the situation and resolve our "problem".
Friday, June 22, 2012
Who's Problem?
How often do we find ourselves moaning about someone we love or have to work closely with and saying "they have such a problem" / "why can't they see they have a problem"? And sometimes we even try to point out their problem, thinking that we're being helpful.
But who's problem is it really?
Well, let us look at the word "problem". The definition is any question or incident involving doubt, uncertainty or difficulty. So who has the doubt, uncertainty or difficulty? Answer: the person complaining.
So, if my friend, partner or boss is annoying me with their behaviour, then however unreasonable we can persuade ourselves that they are being, we are actually the ones having the problem with them. They might be totally unaware of any of this and, in fact, may be quite happily going through their lives without any problem at all.
So the next question to ask is: why we have a problem with their behaviour?
Have they gone back on an agreed set of behaviours? In which case, we would probably be advised to have a chat and remind them of the previous agreement.
Have we expected them to act in a certain way without any discussion or agreement? This is often the case. We assume other people will behave in the way we would want them to, but they rarely do so 100% of the time. Recognising that you've made an assumption is the first step. Then honest communication in a non-confrontational way. Instead of saying "you're annoying when you do this", try "I feel annoyed when you do that". By owning your feelings, you make it easier for the other person to hear without becoming defensive. It's also important to acknowledge that your own feelings are valid.
It may be that you have differing values and you don't understand each other's problems. This can be challenging, but not insurmountable, as long as you go into a discussion with a willingness to understand and an open heart.
This can go a long way to helping us resolve our problems. There'll be more in my next post.
But who's problem is it really?
Well, let us look at the word "problem". The definition is any question or incident involving doubt, uncertainty or difficulty. So who has the doubt, uncertainty or difficulty? Answer: the person complaining.
So, if my friend, partner or boss is annoying me with their behaviour, then however unreasonable we can persuade ourselves that they are being, we are actually the ones having the problem with them. They might be totally unaware of any of this and, in fact, may be quite happily going through their lives without any problem at all.
So the next question to ask is: why we have a problem with their behaviour?
Have they gone back on an agreed set of behaviours? In which case, we would probably be advised to have a chat and remind them of the previous agreement.
Have we expected them to act in a certain way without any discussion or agreement? This is often the case. We assume other people will behave in the way we would want them to, but they rarely do so 100% of the time. Recognising that you've made an assumption is the first step. Then honest communication in a non-confrontational way. Instead of saying "you're annoying when you do this", try "I feel annoyed when you do that". By owning your feelings, you make it easier for the other person to hear without becoming defensive. It's also important to acknowledge that your own feelings are valid.
It may be that you have differing values and you don't understand each other's problems. This can be challenging, but not insurmountable, as long as you go into a discussion with a willingness to understand and an open heart.
This can go a long way to helping us resolve our problems. There'll be more in my next post.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Transit of Venus
Last week there was a historical Transit of Venus across the face of the sun. These happen in pairs, the last one was in 2004. But now there won't be another one until 2117. We've also recently had 2 eclipses (they come in 2s too), the second of which was also last week. It's a huge time for change and new opportunities.
Venus in astrology represents love, relationships, the feminine and finance/business, so changes on a personal level and a societal level will reflect these themes.
I'm not an expert so I've included a few links for those who want to read more:
This one explains the different planetary alignments going on at the moment.
This one looks at what has been going on during the previous Transits of Venus and is more focussed on how society as a whole will be affected.
On a personal level, I had a strange week. Events occurred which caused me a lot of stress, probably more then was logical for what happened. But some even better things came out of them. However I didn't feel great and I'm only just back to feeling normal. I've been very tired and rather emotional about things. And I noticed from my friends' statuses on Facebook that I wasn't alone in this.
Sometimes, however willing we are to embrace change, it can be difficult to actually take on board. We have to let the past go, sometimes this can be a challenge in itself. We can invest a lot of ourselves in our habits and our beliefs. Sometimes, when we say goodbye to our past, there is a grieving process too.
Sometimes we struggle to assimilate the new patterns coming into our lives. There can be a period where we feel uncomfortable while we gradually become more familiar with it. This can make us feel more emotional than normal, or just very tired. It can make us feel spacey or even nauseous. At the worst, it can make us feel depressed.
So be gentle with yourself if you've had any of these symptoms and trust that this is the start of a new more exciting phase in your life.
The way I understand this Transit of Venus is that it's about getting rid of the old ways and embracing the new. However the changes won't necessarily be apparent at the moment, but when we look back, that's when we'll realise that it all started here.
Venus in astrology represents love, relationships, the feminine and finance/business, so changes on a personal level and a societal level will reflect these themes.
I'm not an expert so I've included a few links for those who want to read more:
This one explains the different planetary alignments going on at the moment.
This one looks at what has been going on during the previous Transits of Venus and is more focussed on how society as a whole will be affected.
On a personal level, I had a strange week. Events occurred which caused me a lot of stress, probably more then was logical for what happened. But some even better things came out of them. However I didn't feel great and I'm only just back to feeling normal. I've been very tired and rather emotional about things. And I noticed from my friends' statuses on Facebook that I wasn't alone in this.
Sometimes, however willing we are to embrace change, it can be difficult to actually take on board. We have to let the past go, sometimes this can be a challenge in itself. We can invest a lot of ourselves in our habits and our beliefs. Sometimes, when we say goodbye to our past, there is a grieving process too.
Sometimes we struggle to assimilate the new patterns coming into our lives. There can be a period where we feel uncomfortable while we gradually become more familiar with it. This can make us feel more emotional than normal, or just very tired. It can make us feel spacey or even nauseous. At the worst, it can make us feel depressed.
So be gentle with yourself if you've had any of these symptoms and trust that this is the start of a new more exciting phase in your life.
The way I understand this Transit of Venus is that it's about getting rid of the old ways and embracing the new. However the changes won't necessarily be apparent at the moment, but when we look back, that's when we'll realise that it all started here.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Do you worry about people?
Are you a worrier? Or are you close to someone who worries about you?
Are you familiar with people who have to know you're OK by asking you to check in: "Phone me when you get there". My mother was one of those. When I first left home, she'd request a check in after any long car journey I made. It always slightly confused me because I'd been living away from home for quite a while so there was a lot of stuff I'd do, which Mum wouldn't be aware of. So why this sudden need to know where I was when I got into a car? In the end, in order to become a bona fide independent adult, I managed to break this habit of hers, but it did get me thinking.
Why do we worry about people in normal situations? It's not something I've really done. I assume people will be OK unless I have a good reason to feel otherwise.
Those who do the worrying will tell you it's because they care and it's a loving thing to do for someone. And if someone is happy to text or call when they arrive at a situation, then so be it. But one day, I forgot to call my mother. I just got sidetracked by life, no big deal. But when I finally did call, all hell broke loose; it was out of character for me not to call, so she'd assumed the worst. I think she may have even called the police or been just about to.
Now, it seems to me to be a fear based response, there's some kind of fear about the other person's safety that no amount of being careful is going to remove. And maybe there's also a lack of trust in their ability to "be OK". Recently, someone new in my life asked me to text when I got home and I had to remind him that I been successfully getting myself home for the last 20 years with a 100% success rate.
So does this worrying actually do us any good? Well the incident when I forgot to phone home clearly didn't do my mother any good. She had a traumatic evening stressing over all the terrible things that might have befallen her daughter. None of it did me any good because I had to check in whenever I went anywhere, which was a real hassle before we all had mobile phones. I also felt that it was being assumed that I couldn't look after myself.
So what is the alternative? Well, obviously not to worry. But that's probably like saying to a chocoholic, just don't have a choc bar. So to make it easier, try asking yourself how likely it is that the worst case scenario is going to happen. Also, consider that most of us carry mobile phones these days, so we can call for help pretty easily if something does go wrong. And finally, note that we cannot change the outcome by worrying about someone. If they're going to be OK, then it's pointless to worry, and if they're not going to be OK, it's actually equally pointless to worry. Worry itself is a thought process not an action process.
And if this still doesn't help curb your worry tendencies, ask an angel to protect them and let it go.
Are you familiar with people who have to know you're OK by asking you to check in: "Phone me when you get there". My mother was one of those. When I first left home, she'd request a check in after any long car journey I made. It always slightly confused me because I'd been living away from home for quite a while so there was a lot of stuff I'd do, which Mum wouldn't be aware of. So why this sudden need to know where I was when I got into a car? In the end, in order to become a bona fide independent adult, I managed to break this habit of hers, but it did get me thinking.
Why do we worry about people in normal situations? It's not something I've really done. I assume people will be OK unless I have a good reason to feel otherwise.
Those who do the worrying will tell you it's because they care and it's a loving thing to do for someone. And if someone is happy to text or call when they arrive at a situation, then so be it. But one day, I forgot to call my mother. I just got sidetracked by life, no big deal. But when I finally did call, all hell broke loose; it was out of character for me not to call, so she'd assumed the worst. I think she may have even called the police or been just about to.
Now, it seems to me to be a fear based response, there's some kind of fear about the other person's safety that no amount of being careful is going to remove. And maybe there's also a lack of trust in their ability to "be OK". Recently, someone new in my life asked me to text when I got home and I had to remind him that I been successfully getting myself home for the last 20 years with a 100% success rate.
So does this worrying actually do us any good? Well the incident when I forgot to phone home clearly didn't do my mother any good. She had a traumatic evening stressing over all the terrible things that might have befallen her daughter. None of it did me any good because I had to check in whenever I went anywhere, which was a real hassle before we all had mobile phones. I also felt that it was being assumed that I couldn't look after myself.
So what is the alternative? Well, obviously not to worry. But that's probably like saying to a chocoholic, just don't have a choc bar. So to make it easier, try asking yourself how likely it is that the worst case scenario is going to happen. Also, consider that most of us carry mobile phones these days, so we can call for help pretty easily if something does go wrong. And finally, note that we cannot change the outcome by worrying about someone. If they're going to be OK, then it's pointless to worry, and if they're not going to be OK, it's actually equally pointless to worry. Worry itself is a thought process not an action process.
And if this still doesn't help curb your worry tendencies, ask an angel to protect them and let it go.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Self Awareness
Self awareness is a subject I've been pursuing for a while now. I still remember how it felt back in my past when my self-awareness was much lower, and indeed, I can look back at my journals in amazement at my rather strange perspective on the world. But in spite of this, I have to acknowledge that I used to look at the world from a very different place from where I am now. I used to take things personally, I used to feel the world had some problem with me and I used to feel quite hard done by. I used to jump to conclusions about situations and this often made me feel either very angry or very upset.
Having gone down my road and enriched my self-awareness, I now realise that these conclusions I reached, were often projections of my own fears or judgements onto those around me. So, for example, if a friend had changed plans to meet up, I may have assumed they didn't care and they took me for granted, whereas, this was a projection of my fear that I wasn't deserving of friends who cared.
This can lead to a rather self-absorbed state, which can often happen when we struggle in life. Our perspective narrows and, when we feel something, we project it onto the first thing that irritates us, rather then looking into our feelings for what they are - just feelings. There's a big difference between "She's abandoned me because she doesn't care" and "I feel abandoned". The first one is blame and projection and the second one is a simple acknowledgement of a feeling. Our feeling of abandonment may well have been triggered by an experience from our past which has gone unresolved. Understanding this is where self-awareness comes in.
By looking into our feelings and asking ourselves where they come from enough times, we start to understand our patterns and where our past hurts haven't been resolved. If we can release them then they will no longer trigger extremes of emotion. But even if we can't, we can remember that our emotional reactions are based on something deeper and bigger than the current experience. This can lead to a broader perspective and is what self-awareness is all about.
If you would like help with doing this in a safe, non-judgemental environment, please contact me for an appointment.
Having gone down my road and enriched my self-awareness, I now realise that these conclusions I reached, were often projections of my own fears or judgements onto those around me. So, for example, if a friend had changed plans to meet up, I may have assumed they didn't care and they took me for granted, whereas, this was a projection of my fear that I wasn't deserving of friends who cared.
This can lead to a rather self-absorbed state, which can often happen when we struggle in life. Our perspective narrows and, when we feel something, we project it onto the first thing that irritates us, rather then looking into our feelings for what they are - just feelings. There's a big difference between "She's abandoned me because she doesn't care" and "I feel abandoned". The first one is blame and projection and the second one is a simple acknowledgement of a feeling. Our feeling of abandonment may well have been triggered by an experience from our past which has gone unresolved. Understanding this is where self-awareness comes in.
By looking into our feelings and asking ourselves where they come from enough times, we start to understand our patterns and where our past hurts haven't been resolved. If we can release them then they will no longer trigger extremes of emotion. But even if we can't, we can remember that our emotional reactions are based on something deeper and bigger than the current experience. This can lead to a broader perspective and is what self-awareness is all about.
If you would like help with doing this in a safe, non-judgemental environment, please contact me for an appointment.
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