Fear and Procrastination

How many of us put things off, which we know would be better if they were done now.  I know I have to put my hand up for that one.  For all those who scroll down to read the previous blog post, you'll see it was in August.  So for just over 2 months, I've procrastinated writing a new post.

I can come up with a thousand excuses; some of them sound very reasonable, some sound just plain ridiculous (even to me).  The truth is that I've procrastinated.  I've diverted myself onto other things because I haven't wanted to write.  I've wasted time because I haven't wanted to write.  I've even been ill for a little while, which gave me an excuse not to write.

But the truth of the matter is that there has been fear preventing me from writing.  Not the kind of easily identifiable fear.  I don't expect a big monster to come and eat me if I tap keys on my laptop.  No, this is the kind of hidden fear that lurks in the shadows and suggests that something bad might happen.  It doesn't quantify what, because then I could rationalise it away.  And it doesn't clearly explain to me what I'm frightened of; it persuades me I don't like writing, which is actually completely false, because I'm loving writing this.  It persuades me that I don't know what to write, which is also false, because I didn't know what I was going to write before I started writing this post and yet the words have come.

No, the truth is that I'm fearful of something deeper.  Maybe it's fear of failure, maybe fear of success, maybe fear of opening up, maybe fear of making a mistake. Maybe a bit of all of those.

The other important thing is that I'm completely normal.  It's take me a long while to come to that realisation, but it's true.  No matter how much I feel I'm alone with this, most people are fearful.  Some people are fearful of standing up in front of people, whether it's doing a presentation of being in a show.  Some people have a fear of making a phone call to someone they don't know.  Some people are fearful of asking for help and support.

Now, the thing with fear is that it can often come from events in our past.  If we had a bad experience in a school play, we might fear being on stage now.  However, sometimes the fear comes from doing something new, from stepping out of our comfort zone.  If you've always labelled yourself as someone who doesn't make phone calls, it's going to take you a little while to become comfortable with it.  I got into writing this blog over the spring and summer, but the longer I've left it unwritten, the harder it has been to reconnect with it.

The first step is literally taking the first step.  I've sat down at my laptop.  I invite you to stand up on stage, even if it's alongside someone else.  I invite you to pick up the phone and make one call on your list.  I invite you to ask one person for some help, even if it's the tiniest thing.  I invite you to take that first step and to realise that the monster doesn't actually come.  And when you've done that, congratulate yourself and plan step 2.

It's OK to feel fear while you're doing this.  We don't have to clear all the fear before we take action.  In fact, it is often not possible to do this.  We often have to take action in order to clear the fear.

So, I wish you courage to take the next step in to your power and I would love to hear how you get on.